DR. PHIBES RISES AGAIN

Oh it's Phibes all right, sir... and he always comes back. 
Sure at the end of the first film he embalmed himself, sealed himself up in a sarcophagus and then his house burned down on top of him, but, guess who's baaaack.   If you guessed the Phibes, you guessed right.  This movie was decidedly less awesome than the first one, but there are still a lot of things to like.  This movie came out a year after and seems pretty rushed and disjointed.  I would love to see the stuff that wound up on the cutting room floor. I believe these two films should be seen back to back.  Gather some friends and get to it.


BIEDERBECK  What kind of fiend are you?
PHIBES  The kind that wins, my friend.  
The film picks up three years after the events of the first.  The moon is in the proper place and for NO REASON WHATSOVER that wakes Dr. Phibes.  He de-balms(?) himself and his assistant Vulnavia (face mysteriously un-burnt from acid) reappears and the duo plan to set of for Egypt.  Why Egypt you ask? Why not?  Actually (apparently),  Phibes had been planning this all along.  When Phibes awakes he searches the ruins of his house for a map.  The map reveals the secret location of The Waters of Life, which flow beneath the pyramids (just go with it).  He plans on taking his beloved, Victoria to those waters to resurrect her but GASP...the map has been stolen.  An Egyptologist named Biederbeck is the culprit, and he is planning his own trip to Egypt as well.  See turns out Biederbeck has a a secret.  Dr. Phibes manages to steal the map back with the help of a real snake, a mechanical snake, and a needle air-compressor-phone (JUST GO WITH IT) and he, Vulnavia, Victoria, and his clockwork band set off for the land of the pharaohs.  Biederbeck and his crew go after him.  Murder ensues big time.  Phibes uses Egyptian themes this go round.  Biederbeck's crew gets stung to death by scorpions, sandblasted, crushed, and one gets EATEN BY AN EAGLE.  Yup.  All interested parties converge beneath the pyramids in a room that looks EXACTLY like the set from the first film.

This movie, just like the first, needs to be seen to be believed.  Vincent Price is once again, THE MAN.  This movie also had a sense of humor, especially in the form of Inspector Morse, the bumbling detective from the first film, who somehow bumbles his way into this film too.  The end of the movie features a man decaying rapidly like Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade while Vincent Price floats away on a coffin singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow."  This movie, like the first, had a great soundtrack.  Plus this film has the ABSOLUTE BEST END CREDITS.  They go a little something like this:

THE PROTAGONISTS

THE GIRL

THE VICTIMS

THE LAW

INTERESTED PARTIES   

What I Liked
I liked that Peter Cushing shows up as the boat captain.  He's like a British Vincent Price.
I like that sometimes Phibes voice is mechanical and sometimes it's not.
I like that Phibes brought his damn robo-band with him again.
I like that sequels at one time in the works included Dr. Phibes in the Holy Land, The Brides of Phibes, and 7 Fates of Doctor Phibes.  
If you are in the mood for a strange film, gives these two films a shot and you won't be disappointed.

THE ABOMINABLE DR. PHIBES

My love, precious jewel and noble wife. Severed, too quickly, too cruelly from this life. I alone remain to give delivery of your pain. Nine killed you. Nine shall die. Nine times, nine! Nine killed you! Nine shall die! Nine eternities in DOOM!
Imagine if you will, an art-deco-black-comedy-camp-horror-film.  What would that look like?  It would probably look like Vincent Prince wearing a gown, talking robotic-ally out of a device in his neck while standing beneath an acid chandelier.  Yeah.  I finally got around to seeing this one.  This movie is really something that has to be seen to be understood.  You will either like it or hate it.  One thing that really struck me about this movie was the tone: Wacky.  This came out in 1971, the same year as A Clockwork Orange, Willy Wonka and Dirty Harry.  There were not many standout horror movies this particular year- Omega Man and the Argento- giallo- Four Flies on Grey Velvet come to mind though.  This film is the definition of cult film.  If you ever ask for a single frame of this movie why something is occurring, the whole movie comes apart.  So I recommend sitting back, keeping an open mind, and just go for this strange ride.  
Anyway, medical men die everyday.  
The movie opens with a hooded figure (Dr. Phibes) playing an organ.  The organ rises from a marble floor to crown the top of a staircase.  The hooded figure then walks from the organ to his CLOCKWORK ORCHESTRA, and begins conducting the creepy suit-wearing bobble heads.  A gorgeous woman (Vulnavia) in white appears from a sliding panel at the adjacent wall and walks across the art deco floor and begins waltzing with the man in black as those creepy musicians play on.  The girl disappears down a secret passage way and the man walks over to what looks like a birdcage shrouded in velvet.  He then lowers it down to the girl who loads it into the Rolls Royce.  By the way for no apparent reason, the Rolls Royce has paintings of Vincent Price in both windows juxtaposing his actually position in the back seat.  The duo drive from Wayne Manor, their estate and drive to a doctor's house.  Our hooded character then proceeds to climb to the top of the house and lower the birdcage through a skylight.  Still with me?  Once the cage reaches the bedroom floor of an unsuspecting victim (wouldn't a suspecting victim be boring?), it opens, releasing BATS.  No really.  The bats suck the man dry and his butler finds him the next day.  When the detectives show up at the sucked-dry-surgeon's house one makes the comment that there was another weird death earlier--a doctor was stung to death by bees.  Hmmm.  As the the Yard begins to investigate we discover all these victims have one thing in common- they were all present at the surgery of one Victoria Phibes.  She wound up on the operating table after a car crash which killed her husband (OR DID IT?).  The surgeons did everything in their power but she died.  Somehow, Dr. Phibes has returned from the grave to revenge the death of his wife.  His tools of revenge include- bats, rats, hail, a frog mask, acid, locust, and a brass unicorn.  Why use the 10 plagues of Egypt on 9 surgeons?  Don't ever ask why during this movie.  Dr. Phibes begins killing off the medical staff one by one, but one doctor, Vesalius figures out what is going on and teams up with the detectives to try and stop Dr. Phibes, who is abominable. 

Where to begin?  I love this movie.  The villain is a sinister doctor,scientist, organist, AND Bible scholar. This guy is a doctor four times over.  The killer engineering nerd from Saw is starting to look like more of a badass right?  Nothing makes sense in this movie and it works to it's advantage.  Why is Vulnavia helping Dr. Phibes? Is she a fembot? An intern?  What's with the device in his neck?  Why does he need a mechanical band?  Where did he get all those animals?  Vincent Price really is one of the coolest actors in this genre.  He never speaks, but his performance is awesome.  Even though he is completely insane, you kind of feel for the guy.  The set design of this movie is fantastic, it's a weird blend of jazz, hieroglyphics, and some futurist stuff thrown in there.   I think a cool movie would be a real estate agent trying to show the old Phibes house and he and his customers get lost and maimed in that art-deco-booby-trapped mansion.  "Over here you'll see there's a huge picture window, and the kids will just LOVE the acid chandeliers, let's move on to the kitchen...closet space? Well, below this floor is a working stone sarcophagus and we'll ride the organ down there in a minute and give it a peek." Another great thing about this movie is the soundtrack.  For a movie featuring faceless men, plane crashes, impalements and bats, it has a great jazzy score.  I can't recommend this movie enough.  It's terribly funny too.  Just see it.  Trust me I'm a psychopath.  


What I Like
I like that for no reason whatsoever Dr. Phibes pulls his face off!
I like that the Saw films are way less creative in their devices compared to these contraptions.  A killer snow-blower!
I just like hearing Vincent Price talk.
I like how, like with most old posters, what you see never happens in the film.  
I like the blowtorch scenes with the wax figures, it's really creepy.  
I like how there is (somehow) a sequel to this movie.  
Don't worry cretins, Dr. Phibes will rise again in the film...Dr. Phibes Rises Again.  Until that day....

Intern

LA TERZA MADRE THE MOTHER OF TEARS

Your mother  can't help you anymore.  We all have one mother now...the Mother of Tears.

Hookay so we come down to it.  The cruelest and most beautiful of the Three Mothers, and it only took about two decades to see how the story wraps up.  I think another reason I enjoyed these films so much was 1. there are only three of them and 2. you don't need to watch one to understand the other a la Saw.  Each film winds up repeating what we already know- there are witches doing bad things.  On with the film.  This film is different from Suspiria and Inferno in tone.  The first two films are almost lyrical in nature, music, colors, camera work, everything works to create a dreamlike state throughout.  Mother of Tears throws that right out the window.  What we have here in this film is a visceral, gore-soaked movie, shot on digital film. I mentioned how goregous the murders where in the last two films, in this one, there is nothing but brutality.  This film seems to bridge a gap between old Argento (Phenomenon, Tenebre, Deep Red) with the later Argento (Sleepless, The Card Player, Giallo).  The man has given this genre some of it's most memorable films, and also some of the worst.  His later films are all the more disappointing because of how fantastic his earlier films were.  Now the audience (or maybe just myself, as far as I know) is reduced to moments of awesomeness, but no longer awesome movies.  

What you see does not exist.  What you cannot see is truth.  

The film starts off with a crew renovating a graveyard in Rome.  A grave is uncovered with a chest chained to it and adorned with crosses.  A priest investigates the ancient chest and sends it to a professional friend of his, to confirm his worst fears.  The chest arrives at the museum where Sarah Mandy works.  Apparently Sarah had a mother who was a white witch.  This witch fought a great battle with Mater Suspiriorum, which left her in the awful condition we saw her in Suspiria.  Anyway, enough retconning (that's for the Saw films).  Sarah and her friend open the chest and find three clay figures inside.  Oh yeah, and an unspeakable evil is unleashed upon the world.  Sarah's friend attempts to read the writing on the sculptures.  When she does a gang of grotesque creatures appear out of the darkness and kill her.  Hard.  I'm serious.  This scene, about five minutes in, is one of the most brutal, messed up things I've ever seen.  It got me really excited about the rest of the film.  But alas, what was to follow was a very bipolar film.  So basically after Sarah's friend is murdered she is on the run from the law.  And witches.  That chest unleashed the evil of The Mother of Tears, the most beautiful and cruel of the mothers, and now every witch on the planet is heading to Rome.  The Mother of Tears aims to bring about the second age of witches.  Sarah runs to one location, gets background on the Three Mothers, violent death occurs, and then she runs someplace else.  Repeat ad nauseum.  

So like I said, this movie started on such a strong note, then it was boring for about twenty minutes, then another kill got me interested, then twenty more minutes went by.  These lags nearly killed the movie each time for me.  To a much lesser extent this was like watching Indy 4 or Die Hard 4, bare with me-- you're getting the movie you've been wanting and waiting for for decades, and it's good to settle in to familiar characters or even directors, but it will never EVER live up to your expectations.  I've heard and read a lot of people saying they wish Argento from 20 years ago would have directed this.  That would have been mind blowing, but what we have here is cold pizza that showed up an hour late.  Yet, it IS STILL PIZZA.  Ha, see what I did there?  Italian director?  Italian food?   Nevermind.  Completist need to see this film.  Gore hounds need to see this film.  Not really anyone else.  

What I like

I like how Udo Kier returns.  Nobody dies like that man.  See Cigarette Burns for more proof.  

I like how Asia Argento looks like a librarian with a sleeping disorder in this film. 

I like how a monkey is one of the scarier characters in this film.  

I like that the book The Three Mothers makes a reappearance.  

I like how the last 5 minutes of this film aren't really that shocking since two girls one cup hit first....gross.

I like that one of the witches looks like Tila Tequila and promptly dies.  

INFERNO

There are mysterious parts in that book, but the only true mystery is that our very lives are governed by dead people.  
Inferno was released in 1980.  This film is a spiritual successor to Argento's Suspiria.  Once again we are in the world of the Three Mothers.  This film was more like a collection of vignettes  than one cohesive story.  I liked the fact that anyone touched by the mystery running through this movie was confronted by the evil of the Mothers.  This movie allowed Argento to give the audiences even more of a back story to the Three Mothers.  I still think I hold Suspiria as my favorite of the series but this movie had a lot of strong, nightmarish visuals and added even more to Mother's mythology.

The book referred to  in the quote above is from the book The Three Mothers written by a fellow named E. Varelli.  This book is purchased by a girl named Rose Elliot, from an old antique book dealer.  Varelli was an architect who was forced by the Three Mothers to construct their houses in Germany, New York and Rome.  From these houses the witches could manipulate world events and amass great wealth with their powers.  The more Rose reads the architect's diary, she begins to believe that her apartment is located in one of the witch's, Mater Tenebrarum, house.  We follow Rose as she investigate the Mother of Darkness' house.  After Rose goes spelunking (check this movie out) in the basement of the home she writes her brother a letter.  Her brother, Mark, is studying music in Rome.  Yup.  He's studying music in the other, other witch's house.  Mark's friend actually receives the letter and is brutally killed because of it.  Mark must then return to New York to find his sister and get to the bottom of all this witch nonsense.  Wacky hijinks ensue.  Even Death makes an appearance by the end of the film.  

It had been so long since I've seen this movie.  I enjoyed how the architect's diary added a little depth to the story of the Three Mothers.  The rules that the book establishes for finding the houses are pretty great.  Once again, this movie is shot like a dream.  This is especially clear when Rose goes looking for her keys.  She is underwater for at least 10 minutes, swimming through the flooded basement.  It doesn't matter that she's down there that long, what matters is the beautiful way she is shot floating through room after room.  The corpse at the end really isn't half bad either.  Like I said, I like how when the characters go searching or come across knowledge of the Mothers, they must fight for their lives as they descend into a nightmare.  The Mother of Shadows is the main baddie in this picture but while Mark is in Rome we do get a shot of the Mother of Tears, the most beautiful of the three witches.  There are a few twists I don't want to ruin.  There is a decent little mystery here wrapped in all the trippy sequences.  Goblin did not do the soundtrack for this one.  Instead the reins were taken by Keith Emerson, and plays much more like a gory opera.  I liked how the movie was different enough in tone to distinguish itself from Suspiria.  Once again Argento uses everything- setting, lighting, sound, to draw viewers in to a disorienting, terrifying experience.
Have you ever heard of the Three Sisters?
What I like
I like the pick up line used in the elevator.  I'll have to try it sometime.
I like that I've seen this movie a dozen times but that mirror scene gets me EVERY TIME.
I like that people who read things that aren't addressed to them DIE.
I like the hot dog murder scene.  You know the one.

Later guys.  Two witches down, one to go....

SUSPIRIA

Susie, do you know anything about...witches?
Ok guys I'm back with another franchise in my sights.  I'm a little gored-out after over 12 hours of Saw movies so I'm really changing gears here with my next selection.  While the Saw series is a hyper realistic, hyper edited, hyper violent franchise, the Three Mothers Trilogy is old school in all the best ways--tension builds and builds and builds, atmosphere is established, characters are developed, the set pieces are elaborate.  And the gore is incredibly shocking in these three Italian films.  Even in a flick 30 something years old, you're still seeing things on screen that you haven't seen before.  Dario Argento is one of the biggest names in all of horror.  If you haven't heard about Mr. Argento, this blog is not for you.  If you haven't seen anything from Argento, email me and I will pay for your Netflix.  Argento's quality has seriously declined in recent years, but man, watching Suspiria again, I was struck by the atmosphere and sense of WTF-ness that Argento builds.  There is something about Argento movies.  The closest thing I can compare it to is a dream.  Or maybe a hallucination brought on by serious opiates.  Logic, chronology, physics, really don't have a place in these films.  Apparently Argento got the idea for three mothers from a book called "Suspiria de Profundis by Thomas de Quicy.  de Quincy's other book?  It's called Confessions of  an English Opium Eater. Yeaah, so when your source material is the medieval equivalent of Hunter S. Thompson, your movies are going to turn out TRIPPY.  One section of the Profundis says that while there are three Fates, and three Graces, there are also three Sorrows: "Mater Lacrymarum, Our Lady of Tears," "Mater Suspiriorum, Our Lady of Sighs," and "Mater Tenebrarum, Our Lady of Darkness." Can you guess which witch we'll be talking about today?  
Suzy Banyon decided to perfect her ballet studies in the most famous school of dance in Europe. She chose the celebrated academy of Freeborge. One day, at nine in the morning, she left Kennedy airport, New York, and arrived in Germany at 10:40 p.m. local time. 
Let's get on to the plot shall we?  Those are seriously the first lines of the film, and that's about as much sense as you will get out of this movie.  When Suzy arrives to the school it's during a violent storm.  She meets a terrified woman who is babbling something at the entrance.  Suzy can't hear because of the storm. Then the woman trucks past her and Suzy is left locked outside of the dance studio.  The woman runs to a friend's apartment and confides in her that something strange is happening at the studio.  She is leaving the country the next day.  She is so clearly terrified.  Something is stalking this poor girl.  Something with with glowing yellow eyes, and hairy arms.  After the girl is dispatched, in one of the longest, most shocking ways I've seen (STILL! It's been 30 years! See this movie!) we pick back up with Suzy outside of the dance school.  She is let into the school and begins seeing and hearing things that she cannot explain.  Suzy winds up in the room of the murdered girl and begins to learn the secret history of Freeborge.  Turns out that this school was once the home of a power witch named, yup, Mater Suspiriorum.  Did the Mother of Sighs die?  Snoring, maggots, Udo Kier, invisibility spells, zombies, secret rooms, and the most badass soundtrack ever ensue. 

 Nobody simply dies in an Argento movie.  His murders wind up looking like paintings.  The color of the blood he uses reminds me of that melted crayon color from Romero's Dawn of the Dead.  And did I mention the soundtrack?  A band called Goblin, scored many of Argento's movies but this score is, in my opinion of course the best one.  Check out my playlist and there are a few samples of Goblin's work. Like I said before, this movie is like watching a dream unfold.  The colors, the noises, the way people speak even, they all evoke a dreamlike sense.  It's hard to describe, so do yourself a favor and buy this.  Skip the rental and buy this.  


What I Like 
I like how Udo Kier's accent/dub work makes him sound like someone from the Midwest.  
I like how the first murder escalates and gets worse and worse with each development. 
I like the fact that a band named Goblin exists.  
I like that witches are seriously the bad guys in these films and they are actually scary.  
I like how if you listen closely to the soundtrack, the singer pretty much tells you what's going on. 
I like how this movie has the most awesome tag-line on their poster of all time.   


One film down and two to go.  These films are awesome and a really great change of pace from the CSI like level of detail and gore we get nowadays.  Just take a look to the right.  Told you there were zombies in this flick.  See you soon guys, Mater Lacrymarum and Mater Tenabrarum await...   

SOMETHING COOL

And my personal favorite:

         Apparently these are Burger King's new ads showing how late they stay out.  These familiar faces are almost as creepy as that damn King bothering people in the commercials.  Really cool.  I'd rather wake up in a Saw trap than eat at Burger King,  but still really cool.  

SAW VI

You think it is the living who have ultimate judgement over you, because the dead will have no claim over your soul.  But you may be mistaken. 
Whew.  Part VI.  It's been a long enlightening(ish) road.  Apologies for taking so long to get this last one out.  1. I had an awesome weekend and 2. Don't watch six  2 hour movies like these and not expect some weird side effects.  I've been constructing Rube Goldberg devices since spring break and I CAN'T STOP!!! Allow me to pull myself together for this final stretch, dear readers, we only have one more Halloween and one more Saw to go.  Once again, like part V, I really dig this poster.  Yes he has six fingers up...it's less gross than part III's three yanked teeth...yeesh.  Editor Kevin Greutert takes up the director's chair this time.  He injected some fresh blood back into this franchise.  This movie is thankfully brighter and and much more kinetic than part V, arguably the series slump.  Some people I probably haven't mentioned yet who play a huge part to this series is Marcus Dunstan and Patrick Melton.  These gentlemen took up the writing reins from Whan and Whannell after part III! Let that sink in for a moment.  These gentlemen took over after both Jigsaw and Amanda had been killed and wrote FIVE sequels.  The unique timeline in the Saw movies allowed for all of the sequels with even part V flashing back to the original.  This movie (thankfully) keeps the flashbacks to a minimum.  We get a very unnecessary bit of back story between Jigsaw and Amanda but for the most part the film takes place in the present, as a sequel to V.
He helped me. 
This movie starts off with two loan sharks waking up in opposite cages.  The puppet  They are wearing special kid helmets that will activiate and drill into their head if they can't place a pound of flesh on their respective scales.  Maybe it's because I'm such a clever guy, or I've sat through six of these films, but I saw a couple of ways out of those traps that didn't involve mutilation, but then again it is a Saw movie.  The movie never really gets back to why this game was important, but it does show the audience that Hoffman is keeping Jigsaw's games alive and also gives the FBI a crime scene.  Blue-tooth McUseless is back in his role as Agent Erickson and Agent Perez is  back (yaaay...wait...who?) thinking they are looking for Straham.  Hoffman is offered the full cooperation of the FBI to help bring Straham in.  Some serial killers get all the luck huh?  The box from part V shows up and is shown to contain 6 (get it?) envelopes, victims, test subjects.  Betsy, Jigsaw's ex wife gives Hoffman 5 of the envelopes and he goes about setting up what he believes to be Jigsaw's final game.  This game involves an insurance guy named William who denied John Kramer coverage of an experimental treatment for his cancer.  Said insurance guy wakes up in an abandoned zoo and must learn that human lives are more than just equations in his formula for coverage...or something.  As William's game begins, Hoffman tries to keep the FBI off of his trail while carrying out Jigsaw's final(ish) game.

                Twin or flashback? Probably flashback.

This was a pretty decent sequel.  Basically after Saw II there is no way anyone can follow these movies without seeing all the ones that came before.  This story is pretty cohesive, the flash backs aren't too distracting and the directing hasn't been this good since Bousman.  The traps are where I had a problem. People from William's life are taken and in every case he can only save one or two of them and let the others die.  Up through part mmm....let's say 4, the games involved a clear way
out and no collateral damage.  You cut your foot off, you can go.  The insurance guy's games involve choosing between people who's only crime is working for this guy.  It seems Jigsaw's ideology has strayed from where it started.  The first trap involves a smoker who doesn't appreciate his life because....he's a smoker.  C'mon! That's a little too close to home.  The first films featured ex cons and junkies and suicide attempts, this guy does not deserve to play a game like this.  Unless in Saw VII Jigsaw goes after fatties that don't appreciate their lives.  Or perhaps people who listen to Nickleback.  This movie once again featured an awesome appearance by Tobin Bell as John Kramer as Jigsaw.  His scenes with insurance guy were pretty awesome.  I would not want to party with John Kramer, he just so...intense.  This film also added one of the lamest twists in flashback--Cecil, the guy that took away John and Betsy's baby had a girlfriend with him that night. That girlfriend was Amanda....sigh.  She was there too.  We've been flashing back to that scene for three movies now and I'm kind of getting tired of it.  I'm sure in part VII it will be revealed somehow that Donnie Wahlberg was there too.  I did really like the way the ending...ended?  Not so much the insurance guy's game, but Hoffman's game.  Gasp! What? Of course he's got a game coming his way, he's been in 4 movies and hadn't been tested yet.  All in all, a pretty cool sequel that leaves an interesting door open for the direction of the last(ish) film.

What I Like
I like how this film felt like an unrated episode of CSI Seattle.
I like how the reverse beartrap made an appearance...again.  
I like Shawnee Smith's haircut in this one too.
I like how the reporter character looked like Amy Smart.
I like how part V dealt with the mortgage crisis, part VI deals with healthcare, I'm sure part VII will tackle the energy crisis, or perhaps texting while driving.
I like that I won't have to watch another Saw movie for 7 months.

SAW V

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery...

Ah yes on to film 5. By this point the Saw films have become The Land Before Time of torture. This movie is probably my fourth favorite, but man, check out that sweet poster. Year after year the marketing for these movies gets better and better. The poster tells you that Jigsaw is dead but someone is carrying on his legacy....or it just creeps you the hell out. This one is under the direction of David Hackl, the art director from parts 2-4. Bousman left the films to work on the AWESOME Repo! The Genetic Opera (I'd like to do a post on that slice of cinematic awesome soon) This one looks like it was shot for a lot less than the first four films, especially the police station. There’s a darkness, nay, murkiness to the way this film was shot that I didn’t really dig. This was the first of the Saw films to not open at number 1. I guess I would describe this movie as competent. There's traps, there's more backstory about Jigsaw and of course there's a TWIIIIIIST. This time the twist involves the trash compactor from Star Wars.
On to the synopsis: Saw V begins with a game in progress. A convict who got off on a technicality (don't they all?) is strapped to a slab with an honest to god pendulum above him. He has two choices, have his hands crushed completely or let the pendulum do its thing. He manages to mangle his hands but the trap doesn't let him go. Looks like another Amanda trap right? Perhaps. Now on to the rest of the movie which actually happens sequential to where part IV left off-- Jigsaw is dead, again, for reals this time. Detective Hoffman has emerged as the, undisputed heir to the Jigsaw ideology of "rehabilitation," or has he? Just like Saw IV all of our players are at Gideon's Meat Processing plant. Straham shows up in time to uncover the bloodbath from Jeff and Amanda's game. He shoots Jeff (poor Robert the Bruce, he's been shot by Straham in TWO films in a row now) and then Hoffman locks him in the freezer. But guess what? There's a secret compartment! That's right, Jigsaw's batcave has an escape hatch apparently. Straham finds another tape from Jigsaw telling him not to continue, if he proceeds he will die. Straham proceeds. Fair warning. Straham wakes up strapped to a chair with a fish tank on his head. As the water begins to fill up the fish-tank- head-trap-thing, Straham is running out of options. So what does he do? FBI agent standard tracheotomy by pen. That's pretty smart thinking from the dude from "Gilmore Girls." Good thing he got it right the first time. Cut to outside with Hoffman emerging as the hero detective and agent Straham being loaded in to an ambulance. Hoffman begins another game at Jigsaw’s request. This one having to do with a real estate deal that went bad. The people who wake up must work together to survi…..zzzzzzzzzz. Sorry this particular game bored me to tears. Straham pursues Detective Hoffman throughout the film as Hoffman sets him up. Straham plays right into the detective’s hands at the end of the film. In what is the most elaborate (and retarded(whoa satire!)) the entire room they are fist-fighting in become the trash compactor from Star Wars. Seriously. The walls close in and squish Agent Straham while Detective Hoffman watches from the safety of a bulletproof, glass filled coffin that is descending below the floor. SERIOUSLY.
Like with part IV it had been a long time since I had seen this Saw movie. I actually really liked all the flashback stuff, particularly the Hoffman Jigsaw scene.

I am the man you call ‘Jigsaw.’ It’s your duty to bring me in. But I know who you are, and I know what you’ve done.

The idea of Jigsaw recruiting people was touched on in the parts 2-4 but to see him (Tobin Bell, never better) pursue his imitator and straighten him out was really cool. The scenes with Hoffman and Jigsaw working together (kidnapping razor-wire guy, setting up the revolver in the house, baiting Detective Tapp) were all really cool. Like I said I enjoy watching the behind the scenes stuff. If there was a trap you liked in one of the older movies, you can bet you’ll see part of it’s creation, or the kidnapping of it’s victim, in the latter films. The notion of vengeance versus a chance is touched upon. Both men have lost family. Jigsaw calls his traps ‘rehabilitation.’ I kinda dug that too. Even the man who miscarried his son, got a chance. Jigsaw begins coaching Hoffman, telling him that the heart should have nothing to do with it. We also find out that Hoffman had been working with Jigsaw SINCE THE FIRST FILM. That was a pretty interesting twist I guess. It never was just John Kramer, and thinking about it, it makes sense, in a 7 film torture opus kind of way, that to do what is done there needs to be more than one person behind the scenes. Also you can see that all of the victims that are chosen are in fact people from Jigsaw’s life. Not people he observed ‘not appreciating their lives’ he already knew these folks. These lessons are at the end of the day REVENGE. You can talk circles around it (Jigsaw does) but at the end of the day he bolted the fellow who killed his son to a chair and told him to cut himself or bleed out….there really was no choice for that poor miscarrying druggie. I’m not saying he didn’t deserve his fate, but I’m saying at the end of the day it was still boring ole homicide. I tend to think of Jigsaw as the protagonist of these films, but he is certainly no hero. Think about it: Everyone who gave him bad news is dead, everyone who pursued him is dead, everyone who bothered his wife is dead, hell he even found a way to drag his lawyer into his games.
What I Like

I like that everyone in this film has a wig, and it looks TERRIBLE.
I like that Tobin Bell owns every single one of his scenes in every film.
I like that Detective Straham talked like Batman throughout the film.
I like Straham’s boss, the most incompetent blue-tooth wearing tool I’ve ever seen.
I like that Jeff dies in this one too, again.
I like that Julie Benz is the pretties person to ‘not appreciate her life’ ever.
I like how the reporter guy looked like Sid Haig and spoke like James Earl Jones.
One more film to go. Until next Halloween…and probably the next one after that.

SAW IV

You think it's over just because I am dead.  It's not over. The games have just begun.
Well, yeah Jigsaw, actually I did think it was over.  Why?  Because you died!  The cancer didn't get you, but a vengeful Jeff with a circularl saw sure did.  Ok so now we have a series whose main character is dead.  Where do we go from here?  I got it!  He set a bunch of traps that operate independent of one another, he doesn't have to be there right?  Right?  How many more people could a cancer patient and former junkie  could kidnap?   Enough for 3 more movies....perhaps.  Remember how part III flashbacked (yeah it's a verb) through 2 films and filled in some back story about Jigsaw along the way?  Maybe this film will give us more info about Jigsaw (it does) and fills in more of the holes left by the first 3 films (it does....sort of).  Ladies and gentlemen we have all heard of the flashback.  We have heard about the flashforward.  Saw IV introduces us to the FLASHSIDEWAYS!  Still with me?  Hang in there readers because I actually really like this one too.

On to the synopsis: So Saw IV begins where Saw III left off- the killer know as Jigsaw is dead.  Don't believe it?  Witness his autopsy.  By the way the autopsy is pretty awesome.  It's a basic procedural, i.e. disgusting and graphic, but it looked like any of the autopsies you can check out on A&E or Discovery Health.  Guess what the autopsy reveals?  1. Jigsaw is dead. 2. He swallowed a tape.  Of course he swallowed a tape.  Detective Hoffman (remember him? that's ok nobody really does) is called to listen.  In the tape Jigsaw announces that his work will continue.  FADE TO BLACK.  That means we go backwards or forwards in time right?  Wherever/ whenever we are the SWAT team is once again doing their thing.  Remember Commander Rigg from II and III?  Well part IV is his movie.  The team finds Kerry's remains and Riggs breaks protocol and rushes in.  Detective Hoffman (part III background filler) gives him a dusting down about rushing to save people.  While Rigg and Hoffman argue the FBI shows up.  Agent Perez and Agent Straham.  They are looking for Jigsaw's accomplice.  You, know the other one (whaa...?) As Straham points out, the duo of Jigsaw and Amanda couldn't have gotten Kerry up into that rig.  Common sense stuff right?  I actually really liked that.  In the middle of a series involving drugging, kidnapping, engineering traps, thousands in real estate, video equipment, and that creepy puppet, someone says "hey you need muscle to pull this off....where's the muscle?"  As the FBI hunt for the other other accomplice Rigg finds himself in his own game.  Once again these traps involve other people, either let them die, or try saving them.  If Rigg makes it through his game he will find the long suffering Detective Matthews (Donnie Wahlberg and his ankle are back!). On top of these two storylines we get even more back story on Jigsaw.  We get to see his first victim. Did you know Jigsaw had a wife?  Did you know she ran a health clinic?  Did you know almost everyone who went to the clinic has woken up in front of a TV with a muppet telling them about the choices they will have to make?
(SHOWN: socialized medicine. C'mon I'm kidding. Back to the horror blog ;-)

It's been a while since I've watched this movie.  I liked it much more than I remembered.  Showing the main character on a slab from the the first scene is a really interesting way to start a movie.  Now on to the twist: Saw IV should have been called Saw III&1/2.  The events in this movie take place PARALLEL to the events in part III.  There are a few hints especially near the end.  This movie cannot stand on its own.  The first two movies and to a degree the third, can stand alone.  Not this movie.   You have to have seen the first 3 movies to understand anything going on in this one.  When Jeff shows up, it's jarring.  We've been following the dude from Gilmore Girls and Rigg as they wander around a warehouse and then BAM! Crazy goatee man comes out of nowhere.  However I suppose if you buy a ticket to the fourth film in a franchise, you've seen the first three.  I'm ok with that.  Another fun thing that the Saw movies play with is the timeline.  This seems to make a lot of fans angry, but I liked that idea of going back to the previous film and showing something going on around those events.  You see Jigsaw's ideology unfold in this film.  His wife spent her life trying to save people and he supported her until knife-face up there gave her a miscarriage.  Jigsaw realizes that you can't save anyone.  They have to save themselves.  This is the lesson he  wants Rigg to learn.  Something I really like about this series is the way the characters rotate in and out of Jigsaw's games.  Rigg has been in these films since part II.  Two films later he is the star.  I figure by part 7 or 8 the guy in charge of the evidence room at the police station will be the star.  You really feel for the guy.  All his friends have fallen victim to the same criminal AND his wife leaves him.  Ultimately, since he can't learn to let go he make this happen:

 BUMMER  

Now the accomplice:  Detective Hoffman.  It doesn't really make sense.  The flashbacks we are given don't really show us any collaboration on his behalf.  I actually kind of like the actor playing Hoffman, Costas Mandylor.  He's got this brooding thing about him that I suppose all movie serial killers are supposed to have.  He really shines in part VI.  Like I said though, he basically sits in a chair for most of the movie and we never know how he got dragged into Jigsaw's game.  I suppose that's what part V will be for.  

What I Like
I liked that everyone who remotely knows Jigsaw winds up playing his game.
I liked that all the victims from the first 3 movies show up at the clinic.
I liked the guy playing the lawyer.  He starts out as a slime-ball but his reactions to his game are funny.
I like that the guy from "Gilmore Girls" shoots the guy from  Braveheart. Yup.
I like that there have been 4 films at this point and at least 3 more to go.
I like how the last 2 movies spend most of their runtime flashing back to the first 2.

I enjoyed the message of this film and the back story it offers on the character of John Kramer.  His philosophy on life and gratitude actually came before his terminal diagnosis.  The fact that he had cancer only forces him to move forward with his game quicker.

Time is an illusion that cannot be given.  

SAW III

You're walking us toward a precipice, Amanda
SAW III is my favorite movie from the series.  I guess if I were to order the movies it would go something like 3,1,6,2,4,5.  SAW III gave me what I was looking for- answers.  Namely, how can a man with cancer get away with all this?  The answer is simple: An accomplice.  I realize these films have a main character with cancer who has an unlimited supply of real estate, equipment and the complete psychological history of his subjects, but SAW III added a sense of authenticity to these films.  Still with me?  Yeah I said authenticity.  The SAW movies never seemed too far-fetched, I mean just the main concept of a man forcing others into situations where they must maim themselves or die, is plausible, just not in ways as elaborate as these films (but hey, they're FILMS).
Suffering? You haven't seen anything yet.
Let's jump into it shall we?  SAW III picks up right where SAW II left off- Detective Matthews screaming in the dark.    How's he going to get out of this pickle?  In one of the most awful ways imaginable that's how.  See, I've got a thing about ankle injuries in film.  Tendon slicing and compound fractures just make me want to die.  I mean, I have ankles so it could happen to me right?  *Shudder.  Detective Matthews surveys the situation, a few dead bodies and a hacksaw.  He knows what he has to do, he gags himself and grabs the tool *snicker.  We know what's coming, thank god it's in the dark this time right?  But then he loses his nerve.  Phew.  Oh god, what's he doing with that toilet cover?  He's not going to....oh gawd no! Please no!  That's right, Detective Matthews breaks his ankle, nay, he OBLITERATES it.  Those sounds bothered me for weeks.  But he's not done yet.  Nope, not with blood gushing and bone splinters he then TWISTS IT!!!! Welcome to SAW III y'all.  In another dark and creepy warehouse room, the SWAT team discovers another Jigsaw victim, or rather what's left of him.  We see familiar faces again- SWAT commander Riggs and Detective Kerry, hoping this victim isn't their friend.  Plus there's another detectve, Hoffman who doesn't seem to do much but pocket evidence (HMMMMM).  Kerry notices that even if the victim escaped his trap, the door was welded shut, he couldn't have gotten out anyway.  A Jigsaw game that can't be won?  Needless to say Kerry winds up in a trap of her own.  This one's called the "Angel of Death." And it's not the kind of trap you walk away from.

  Doctor Denlon has been kidnapped from the hospital where she and Dr. Gordon happened to diagnose the same patient.  We are then brought with her to Jigsaw's new lair courtesy of Amanda.  After a traipse throw mannequins, medical equipment and vicious implements, we are reintroduced to Jigsaw, and guess what? He wants to play a game.  This game seems simple, Dr. Denlon must keep Jigsaw alive, if he dies, she dies, courtesy of a shot-gun collar linked to his heart monitor (authenticity right?).  Apparently Jigsaw wants to teach the value of life.  There is another test subject, Jeff who is going through three trials of his own.  If Jigsaw is alive after Jeff's tests, then Dr. Denlon can go.  Problem is, Jigsaw is dying, quickly.  While the doctor tries to save Jigsaw's life, Jeff wakes up with a cassette player.  Jeff's son was killed by a drunk driver and he never recovered.  The witness did not come forward, the judge sentenced too lightly, and the killer got away.  The tests that Jeff go through are meant to teach him forgiveness.  By the way, Jeff is played by Angus Macfadyen, yup, Robert the Bruce is a test subject.  The traps that Jeff must face are a new landmark for the SAW movies, they involve other people.  The witness, the judge, the killer.  Jeff can choose to hurt himself saving them, or watch them die.  As Jeff and Dr. Denlon fight through Jigsaw's games we flashback to events two films deep to fill in the story between Amanda and Jigsaw.

Oh-kay.  Like I said this is my favorite SAW movie.  I love the interactions between Jigsaw and Amanda.  Watching them prepare the room from the first SAW, seeing Amanda kidnap Adam, hell even watching Jigsaw paint that creepy doll was awesome.  I really liked seeing Jigsaw prepare Amanda's trap.  When I watched the first two films I thought everything was meticulously thought out and in this film you see it.  If these films could happen, they would happen like this.  Power drill brain surgery.  Wow.  I think out of all the pain and traps, that scene stuck with me the most.  And he went through it all to teach a lesson.  Talk about dedication!  The message of this story, oddly enough, is forgiveness.  By way of power tools.  Even to those who have hurt you.  Everyone deserves a chance.  Jigsaw's traps have always given the subject the opportunity to walk away.  Not Amanda's.  Amanda committed murder.  Jigsaw does not condone murder, and he despises murderers. Can Amanda survive her game?  Can Jeff forgive those who caused him pain?  Can Dr. Denlon save Jigsaw's life?  

Live or die Jeff, make our choice...

Nope

NOPE

HELL NOPE 

WHAT I LIKE

I like Shawnee Smith's haircut. 

I like that after three films, we are still in that same bathroom. 

I like how the sicker Jigsaw gets, the more awesome his hideout becomes. 

I like Donnie Wahlberg's performance in this one.  A lot. 

I like that Jigsaw owns a city block worth of mannequin/meat factories and industrial bathrooms. 

I like the transitions in this film, especially the bear trap transition.

I like how this could have easily been the end of the series and I would have been cool with it.  

So with every character sans Jeff killed, how can these films go on?  Stay tuned dear readers...

SAW II

By creating a legacy, by living a life worth remembering you become immortal
The year is 2005.  The killer known as Jigsaw is still on the loose and only Donnie Wahlberg can stop him.  Ah sequels.  I love them! You take what worked in the first one and do it again and more.  This movie gave us more victims, more traps, and %100 more Jigsaw.  Let me begin by saying I love Tobin Bell.  Sure I should have mentioned him in the last post (that man lays on a bloody floor like nobody's business) but this movie really let him shine.  I thought the voice on those tapes were doctored but he really sounds that creepy.  I want to get Mr. Bell to do a Dr. Seuss books on tape series.  Darren Lynn Bousman took up the director's chair for this one and stayed on for two more films.  Bousman was handpicked by the duo of Wan and Whannell to carry on their legacy.  Ha! Legacy plays a big part in these films, but I'll get to that. As I mentioned before the ingredient for a successful sequel is MORE MORE MORE and well, this film delivers.

                  

Let's get to it shall we?  The film opens up with an fellow who finds himself playing one of Jigsaw's games.  Get this- he is in a bear trap-bear trap.  Sure it's called a venus trap but look at it, it's got spikes and it closes.  Anyway, turns out the poor fellow loses and and the trap goes off.  That fellow was an informant for DONNIE WAHLGBERG, who will be referred to as Detective Matthews from here on out.  Matthews takes the case and using his boy band powers deduces where Jigsaw is.  The SWAT team saddles up and storms the hideout (not before that creepy puppet shows up and one or two traps messily take care of some of the team) and capture Jigsaw. Oh yeah that happens about 15 minutes into the movie. WTF happens now?  Jigsaw has set another game in motion and Detective Matthews is forced to play to save his missing son.  Turns out there is a game being played at another location involving Detective Matthew's son and several others trapped in a booby-trapped house.  Jigsaw tells the detective he must talk to him to save his son.  The people in the house play out their game and Jigsaw and the detective watch them on video as Matthews gets more and more desperate.  You will never guess who is in the house with Matthew's son.  Aw hell, did you guess Amanda?  Yup, someone STILL doesn't appreciate her life.  You'd think she'd learn right?  Amanda leads the other victims through the house trying to help them through the traps.  The video shows the victims begin to dwindle from the poison coursing through their veins (or the violent traps they fall into) as does the clock while Jigsaw forces Detective Matthews to carry on their conversation.  Once again, everything converges on Stygian Street.
I really dug this movie.  The first movie has you wondering who the hell is Jigsaw and this film sits you down and has a conversation with him.  As I said before Tobin Bell is the man.  He steals the show just by asking for a glass of water.  We get more of a back story to Jigsaw, real name John Kramer.  You can almost see where the guy is coming from.  Wouldn't you go on a rampage if the guy from The Princess Bride told you you were going to die?  John tried to kill himself after his diagnosis.  After crawling out of the wreckage of his car he realizes what the human body is capable of and decides to put it to the test. Detective Matthews is also a pretty interesting character.  I started feeling sorry for him but as the game continued I saw him as more of a thug with a badge.  His final interrogation with Jigsaw confirms it.  You begin to see what Jigsaw means about people learning their lessons and appreciating what they have.  The movie is split into conversation and bloody, bloody violence in the house.  The test subjects, as Jigsaw calls them are somewhat recognizable.  Like Frankie G and the chick from 7th Heaven.

This part of the movie was a way to show off some serious traps.  The rule of the sequel guarantees that.  The traps are bigger and meaner this go round.  On top of the nerve gas, and violent death lurking around every corner, the subjects begin to turn on one another with knives, hacksaws, and the baseball bat from Silent Hill.  When fans discuss Saw II they talk of how awesome Tobin Bell was, how riveted they were by Marky-Mark's brother's performance, how pretty Shawnee Smith is, how badass the sound track is, how they never saw the twist ending coming, and oh yeah,
THE NEEDLE PIT SCENE!!!!

   Like I said the traps are really, really mean this time around.  The gun on the door was pretty shocking, the glass box wrist trap was pretty mean, but the needle pit?  I think out of all of the Saw films this is the trap that disturbed me the most.  Can you imagine?  And Shawnee Smith practically swims in those things to find an antidote.  GAAAAAAH! As I mentioned before, the twist ending(s) of this movie were pretty great.  Jigsaw told Detective Matthews EXACTLY how to save his son.  But best of all we find out that Amanda      didn't make the same mistake twice did she?
Director Bousman maintained the style of the first film, but toned down the quick cuts and the 360 spins.  I really appreciated that.  I really believe he hit his stride in Saw III but this was a pretty awesome debut.  The story for Saw II was actually an unrelated script Bousman had been trying to get made, and when Saw broke box office records, the suits at Lions Gate got Leigh Whannell to help Bousman rewrite the script to make it fit (Saw II is like the Die Hard With A Vengeance of the horror genre).  I appreciated the restraint that he showed, he really allowed the tension to build and also to showcase those awesome traps.

WHAT I LIKE

I like that Jigsaw is in a wheelchair and is wearing a bathrobe for the whole film. AND IS STILL SCARY. 

I like Shawnee Smith's haircut. 

I like how by the end of the movie police procedure is beat up, kidnapped, and left for dead in a van. 

I like that the car chase in this one is just as awful as the first film. 

I like that if you miss the first ninety minutes of any Saw film, you can catch the last minute that recaps EVERYTHING that happened. 

I like that Jigsaw has his own Bat-cave. 

I like the house the game takes place in is the last house on the left. 

This movie is a great example of what a sequel should be. This movie ran with the mythology of the first film and even added some interesting twists. It's rare in a franchise to see the number of villains INCREASE, but that's one of the awesome things about the Saw movies is that Jigsaw is a believer in the work he does.  His work will continue with or without him.  As will this blog.... 

SAW

I want to play a game.... 

I feel I should put these films in perspective for you folks.  When Saw came out in 2004 I had just graduated high school.  When Saw VII, the (maybe until the returns come in) last one comes out this year I will have graduated college.  What, you haven't heard of the seven year plan?  Each year Lions Gate pumps out a Saw movie-If it's Halloween it must be Saw- right?  I really like that about this franchise.  Each year we get to return to theaters and see what Jigsaw and his friends have gotten themselves into.  Most genre fans have a slasher or monster that they've grown up with.  I was too young for Freddy or Jason, but I got Jigsaw.  The idea of a serial kidnapper/trap setter was one I really dug.  Jigsaw forces people to either appreciate their lives by fighting for them, or die.  Jigsaw had a philosophy and that, to me sets him apart from your Freddy or Jason, who mainly seem to be driven by revenge.  Jigsaw has a message. And an engineering degree.  And lots of warehouse property. And recording equipment. And that creepy doll.  And cancer. But I digress...

By now we all know the story: Two men wake up chained to what appears to be a truck-stop bathroom in Huntsville with a dead body between them.  One man is Adam (writer Leigh Whannell) and the other is Doctor Gordon (Cary Elwes).  In the dead man's hands are a revolver and cassette player.  The cassette player gives the two instructions on how to play the "game."The game involves Dr. Gordon killing Adam before the time runs out.  If he doesn't, his family will die. Oh yeah, and there are hacksaws.  Guess what those are for? (HINT: it's not the chains) Outside of the room Detective Tapp (Danny Glover, clearly too old for this shit) is pursuing a killer known as Jigsaw. Through a series of flashbacks, and I mean A LOT of flashbacks we follow the events leading up to Dr. Gordon's game and it all comes to a head down on Stygian Street. 

   Most people are so ungrateful to be alive. But not you, not anymore....GAME OVER!

  I liked how the movie drops you right into the middle of the action and then fills you in on what you need to know.  James Wan and Leigh Whannell crafted a very interesting story here.  You yourself start thinking about what you might do.  Shoot a guy? Maybe. Walk on busted glass carrying a candle while caked in flammable residue...ma...maybe?  Crawl through a room full of razor wire........what was the other option?  These traps are pretty inspired but have a creepy home-made look to them that left me thinking, yeah, these rooms could exist all over the place.  My favorite trap was of course the reverse-bear trap from the poster.  Just think of it: waking up with the taste of metal in your mouth and then seeing a video where a muppet reject shows you exactly how it works, and then CLICK.....60 seconds. Wow. Plus it was really great to see Shawnee Smith as Amanda, the sole survivor of Jigsaw's games.

I really dig the crew on this movie, actually all the Saw movies but the Australian duo of James Wan (director) and Leigh Whannell (writer) really broke into the horror scene.  I also enjoyed their Dead Silence.  If you're looking for a ghost movie that doesn't involve a brain stem, that's the one for you.  The duo sets up an atmosphere in Saw that makes you want to give your eyes a shower.  Everything is grimy and decaying, even the police station or the hospital.  

WHAT I LIKE

I like the look of Jigsaw.  He wears this strange red and black, boxing robe almost, but he looks like a murderer from a giallo film. Plus he's got a sword arm.    

I like that Cary Elwes accent comes and goes depending on how intense the scene is.  

I like that Detective Tapp could very well be Murtaugh after a few bad years. 

I like the scene where Zep uses a stethoscope and a gun to terrify Dr. Gordon's daughter. That's just mean man!

I liked that the Billy doll was creepier than the doll from Deep Red. 

I liked the soundtrack.  Charlie Clouser wrote a great score. Duh nuh nuh. NUH NUH NAH.

I liked how the ending made me feel confused, terrified, and confused. 

                      !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!OMFGWTFF???????????????????

This was a pretty gory, interesting, and most import original film.  That went on to spawn 6 sequels and counting.  This movie established a lot of the tenants (quick cut editing, twist ending, grimy atmosphere, worst car chases ever, playing with the timeline) that showed up in later sequels.  Stay tuned folks.  Saw II is next. Oh yes...there will be more blog posts.